Hurricane naming policy change

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I think it's becoming clear that alternating male and female personal names to individuate Atlantic tropical cyclones is not a good idea. These storms are becoming far too nasty. Calling a storm "Harvey" makes it sound like your friendly uncle who always comes over on the Fourth of July and flirts with your mom. And "Irma" sounds like a dancer that he once knew when he was in Berlin. Science tells us that these devastating meteorological events are probably going to get worse in coming years. (Ann Coulter says that as a potential cause of increased violence in hurricanes, climate change is less plausible than God's anger at Houston for having elected a lesbian mayor; but let's face it, Ann Coulter is a few bricks short of a full intellectual hod.) Hurricanes need uglier names. You can't get Miami to evacuate by telling people that "Irma" is coming.

Accordingly, next year the National Hurricane Center is planning to name tropical cyclonic storms and hurricanes after unpleasant diseases and medical conditions. Think about it. The state governor tells you a hurricane named Dracunculiasis is coming down on you, you're gonna start packing the station wagon. So as the season progresses, the following will be the named storms in 2018.

  • Anthrax
  • Blastocystosis
  • Chlamydia
  • Dracunculiasis
  • Enterovirus
  • Filariasis
  • Gonorrhea
  • Herpes
  • Isosporiasis
  • Jaundice
  • Kuru
  • Legionellosis
  • Malaria
  • Norovirus
  • Onchocerciasis
  • Psittacosis
  • Quadriparesis
  • Rabies
  • Syphilis
  • Tetanus
  • Urethritis
  • Vasculitis
  • Warts
  • Xanthinuria
  • Yersiniosis
  • Zygomycosis

[Note: All of these are genuine. You can spend a contented if rather disgusting hour with Wikipedia verifying each. One of them has the same name as an Aryan tribe, a traditional Bhutanese sport, a lake steamer, several place names, and several footballers; but hey, that isn't my fault.]

For 2019, the plan is to use names of parasitic worms and flesh-burrowing insects. After that, probably venomous snakes.

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