A succor born every minute
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Great news (if you're a pompous idiot)! There is news from the UK's Daily Mail of an app that will ruin your SMS messages and make you sound like someone who went through a matter transporter with a thesaurus!
So in case you should want to completely wreck your chances of ever getting another date with anyone normal, the Mail's screenshots show that the app will replace "Hey!" in your texts by "Salutations!"; it will replace "help me with my homework" by "succor me with my homework"; "smart girl" will be changed to "luminous girl"; "meet at my place" will become "meet at my residence"; "sounds good" will come out as "sounds euphonic"; and "have a good time" will morph into "have a congenial time".
If this is just the way you want to sound, go for it: the app you need is called Words U. But me? When I text my honey, I want my words to come through just like I chose them. Battling the horror of autocorrect is quite enough. I don't want in addition to be fighting the attempted word substitutions of a deranged robot armed with a synonym dictionary but no brain.