400 words for "your cute friend is next"?

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Adding, ironically, to our "words for X" file, Scott Adams at the Dilbert Blog writes:

Here's a list of three things that you are unlikely to do, at least in this order:

1.       Watch a Swedish movie called The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
2.       Read about the Swedish sex charges against Julian Assange
3.       Book a vacation to Sweden

I am always amused by the strange impact of unintended consequences. Julian Assange simply wanted to release some embarrassing information, have hot sex with a Swedish babe then have hot sex with an acquaintance of that same babe one day later. That's just one example of why the Swedish language has 400 words that all mean "and your cute friend is next."

But things didn't turn out as Assange hoped.  The unintended consequence of his actions is that he managed to make Sweden look like a country that's governed by congenital idiots and populated with nothing but crazy sluts and lawyers. And don't get me started about the quality of their condoms.

For the facts of the case as so far revealed, you can variously go to the New York Times, the Daily Mail, or the Guardian. For more explicitly undisguised opinion, you could go to Naomi Wolf at the Huffington Post:

Dear Interpol:

As a longtime feminist activist, I have been overjoyed to discover your new commitment to engaging in global manhunts to arrest and prosecute men who behave like narcissistic jerks to women they are dating.

I see that Julian Assange is accused of having consensual sex with two women, in one case using a condom that broke. I understand, from the alleged victims' complaints to the media, that Assange is also accused of texting and tweeting in the taxi on the way to one of the women's apartments while on a date, and, disgustingly enough, 'reading stories about himself online' in the cab.

Both alleged victims are also upset that he began dating a second woman while still being in a relationship with the first. (Of course, as a feminist, I am also pleased that the alleged victims are using feminist-inspired rhetoric and law to assuage what appears to be personal injured feelings. That's what our brave suffragette foremothers intended!).

Thank you again, Interpol. I know you will now prioritize the global manhunt for 1.3 million guys I have heard similar complaints about personally in the US alone — there is an entire fraternity at the University of Texas you need to arrest immediately. I also have firsthand information that John Smith in Providence, Rhode Island, went to a stag party — with strippers! — that his girlfriend wanted him to skip, and that Mark Levinson in Corvallis, Oregon, did not notice that his girlfriend got a really cute new haircut — even though it was THREE INCHES SHORTER.

Or, alternatively, you could refer to Amy Siskind, also at the Huffington Post:

Imagine our relief today upon reading your letter to Interpol defending Mr. Assange over the allegations against him. Those Swedes just don't understand. C'mon — what's wrong with "using his body weight to hold her down in a sexual manner"? Or "deliberately molested…in a way designed to violate her sexual integrity." She must have asked for it.

That's why we are so fortunate to have women like you, Ms. Wolf, who 'get it'. It's so important that we maintain our culture of victim blaming here in the U.S. When women dress suggestively, drink alcohol, or show up at a party or bar, they are asking for it. We know that.

And I'm sure the men of University of Texas particularly appreciate your help. Especially after that recent, gratuitous study by the U.S. Department of Justice citing 1 in 4 college women will be the victim of sexual assault before they graduate. That's why it was so awesome that your piece made fun of Julian Assange's victims. What better way to discourage young women from reporting attempted or successful rapes?

If none of these exactly suit your taste, you have your choice of thousands of other perspectives. Our interest here is strictly limited to the "400 words that all mean 'and your cute friend is next'" trope. For reasons that I hope are obvious to all, I've left comments closed.

[Tip of the hat to David Donnell]

Comments are closed.