Maximizing Buzzword Compliance

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From a "sponsor message" sent to me by the Chronicle of Higher Education "on behalf of Campus Management":

Institutions are facing a convergence of forces that, combined with an outdated technology infrastructure, have created the need for a new approach in education technology: the On Demand Model for Higher Education.

Discover the cornerstones of this innovative strategy, including how to enhance constituent engagement, provide more flexibility in academic delivery and financial aid, and leverage an agile infrastructure to grow and adapt in any market.

Hear from a panel of thought leaders as they discuss rising above technology challenges to empower dynamic models of engagement and delivery, and in turn positively impact growth, retention and financial security.

I'm chill about jargon, in general, but empty rhetoric does amuse me. With the addition of a few metasyntactic variables, this could be about almost anything at all:

Institutions are facing a convergence of forces that, combined with an outdated technology infrastructure, have created the need for a new approach in [FOO]: the [BAR].

Discover the cornerstones of this innovative strategy, including how to enhance constituent engagement, provide more flexibility in [BAZ], and leverage an agile infrastructure to grow and adapt in any market.

Hear from a panel of thought leaders as they discuss rising above technology challenges to empower dynamic models of engagement and delivery, and in turn positively impact growth, retention and financial security.

It's probably also time for an updated version of the Universal Marketing Graphic:



16 Comments

  1. Keith said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 11:08 am

    And yet not once were the words "leverage" or "synergy" used…

  2. bratschegirl said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 11:09 am

    What? No "stakeholders?"

  3. Mark Dowson said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 11:15 am

    Or "Excellence"

  4. Joe said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 11:31 am

    I told my son that a "thought leader" was someone who thought he was a leader.

  5. AB said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 11:33 am

    @Keith
    Leverage is there! Second para.

    As a parody, I would give this piece C+. Too crude. The real killer is the preposterous use of "empower".

  6. Brett said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 11:56 am

    @bratschegirl, Joe: The two things in that message that still (after seeing so much of this stuff) set my teeth on edge were "constituents" and "thought leaders." "Constituents" just seems to me to be wrong in this context; "stakeholders," while thoroughly a buzzword, would work immeasurably better. On the other hand, I've seen "thought leaders" plenty of times before, but it still feels unfortunately Orwellian.

  7. Steve said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 2:40 pm

    What, no deliverables? Then neither I nor my direct reports have any need for it.

    @Keith: I think "leverage" was used, unless you had a different sense of it in mind.

  8. hector said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 4:28 pm

    Yes, not a panel of "experts", whose expertise might be evaluated, but of "thought leaders": sophists, whose real expertise lies in persuasion. In the vernacular, "bullshit artists".

  9. E. Pyatt said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 4:33 pm

    I'm glad I'm not the only linguist frustrated by this type of language usage pattern. Sadly this will create a roadblock to my becoming a thought leader in the Academy.

    P.S. Personnel employed in the technology industry might appreciate Weird Al's lyrics for "Mission Statement". Also equally meaningless in its own unique way.

  10. Andrea said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 5:26 pm

    I think I lost it around "thought leader". That's a new one for me (though I don't actively keep up with corporatese)

  11. J. W. Brewer said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 6:46 pm

    I can't remember at what point I personally became aware of the NP "thought leader" as being a thing – definitively more than five years ago but maybe less than ten? But this is where the google n-gram viewer is awesome (even if its most recent data doesn't go past 2009), because you can ask it the question and see a pretty massive spike upwards starting around '93 or '94, with on the order of a twentyfold increase in prevalence (starting from a small base) in the following decade and a half.

  12. Y said,

    December 18, 2014 @ 11:19 pm

    Too old fashioned. You can't get anywhere these days without 'disruption'. It's a paradigm change from 'paradigm change'.

  13. Robot Therapist said,

    December 19, 2014 @ 4:39 am

    "Agile infrastructure" bothers me. I like my infrastructure to keep still.

  14. maidhc said,

    December 19, 2014 @ 4:27 pm

    I think the On Demand Model for Higher Education is out of date. What they should have is Higher Education as a Service.

  15. sad but true said,

    December 19, 2014 @ 4:30 pm

    Ah, "proactive" and "best practices," where have ye gone?

  16. Roger Whitehead said,

    December 20, 2014 @ 6:19 am

    I've been away from the computer industry for a couple of years but an old client has asked me to look into some competitors' products for him. I'd forgotten how much self-important piffle companies emit. They seem to think it's compulsory rather than off-putting.

    As for thought leaders, when I was (much) younger, I regarded Marilyn Monroe as a brilliant exemplar. She used to lead my thoughts into all sorts of interesting places.

    Roger

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