Autological humor

« previous post | next post »

A guest post (guest list?) by Anthony Bladon:

  • A verb walks into a bar, sees an attractive noun, and suggests they conjugate. The noun declines.
  • An Oxford comma walks into a bar, where it spends the evening watching television, getting drunk, and smoking cigars.
  • A dangling participle walks into a bar. Enjoying a cocktail and chatting with the bartender, the evening passes pleasantly.

  • A bar was walked into by the passive voice.
  • An oxymoron walked into a bar, and the silence was deafening.
  • Two quotation marks walk into a “bar.”
  • A malapropism walks into a bar, looking for all intensive purposes like a wolf in cheap clothing, muttering epitaphs and casting dispersions on his magnificent other, who takes him for granite.
  • Hyperbole totally rips into this insane bar and absolutely destroys everything.
  • A question mark walks into a bar?
  • A non-sequitur walks into a bar. In a strong wind, even turkeys can fly.
  • A mixed metaphor walks into a bar, seeing the handwriting on the wall but hoping to nip it in the bud.
  • A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.
  • Three intransitive verbs walk into a bar. They sit. They converse. They depart.
  • A synonym strolls into a tavern.
  • At the end of the day, a cliché walks into a bar — fresh as a daisy, cute as a button, and sharp as a tack.
  • A run-on sentence walks into a bar it starts flirting. With a cute little sentence fragment.
  • Falling slowly, softly falling, the chiasmus collapses to the bar floor.
  • A figure of speech literally walks into a bar and ends up getting figuratively hammered.
  • An allusion walks into a bar, despite the fact that alcohol is its Achilles heel.
  • The subjunctive would have walked into a bar, had it only known.
  • A misplaced modifier walks into a bar owned by a man with a glass eye named Ralph.
  • The past, present, and future walked into a bar. It was tense.
  • A dyslexic walks into a bra.
  • A simile walks into a bar, as parched as a desert.
  • A gerund and an infinitive walk into a bar, drinking to forget.

 



65 Comments

  1. Philip Taylor said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 1:37 pm

    Bravo ! Although, being British, I would recast number six as « Two quotation marks and a misplaced period walk into a “bar.” »

  2. Paul Turpin said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 1:42 pm

    Indeed Philip, or even a full stop. :-)

  3. Yerushalmi said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 2:59 pm

    Foreshadowing passed by a bar on its way to work.

  4. cliff arroyo said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 3:17 pm

    A split infinitive walked into a bar to quickly have a drink.

  5. cliff arroyo said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 3:20 pm

    A post-position walked a bar into.

  6. David Morris said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 4:36 pm

    Colourless green ideas walk furiously.

  7. David Morris said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 4:38 pm

    Or 'Drinkless green ideas …'

  8. MattF said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 5:41 pm

    A self-referential bar walks into a bar and orders a bar.

  9. Alan Curry said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 5:45 pm

    Reminds me of a thread on alt.usage.english – I found a summary here: https://www.netfunny.com/rhf/jokes/14/Jan/bar.html

  10. Terpomo said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 7:49 pm

    Philip, I have to admit that despite being American I generally insist on the British ordering of punctuation marks, as it simply makes logical sense.

  11. Orbeiter said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 8:03 pm

    A clichéd joke format walks into a bar. "Sorry, we don't serve quines here!" says the barman.

  12. Orbeiter said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 8:08 pm

    A double superlative walks into the most trendiest bar.

  13. Viseguy said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 8:10 pm

    @Terpomo: I — AmE speaker via 1950s Brooklyn — am with you! Logic rules! Except when it doesn't. In my case, I let go of logic in certain professional communications where logic might be perceive as an error. (Yes, I'm weak.)

  14. Viseguy said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 8:12 pm

    Perceive-duh.

  15. Orbeiter said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 8:21 pm

    A googlewhack walks into a splendiferous bierkeller.

  16. Y said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 8:34 pm

    The one with the comma splice, that must have been a salad bar.

  17. Orbeiter said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 8:51 pm

    @David Morris

    A gramatically correct but allegedly nonsensical sentence walks into a bar, and says to the barman "Those insipid variations on the Mojito you have invented, they just sit untouched on the menu, as though daring anyone to try them…"

  18. stephen said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 9:34 pm

    Teh typo walks into a bar.

    An autocorrect walks into a bath.

    An entendre does a you-know-what with a you-know-who.

  19. David Morris said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 9:50 pm

    A grammatical analysis walks into an x-bar.

  20. David Morris said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 9:58 pm

    A hangeul transliteration walks into a 바.

  21. Ralph said,

    September 21, 2020 @ 10:54 pm

    A linguist walks into a bar to meet with friends and discuss grammar and punctuation. No one else turns up.

  22. Arthur Baker said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 12:56 am

    A woman walks into a bar and asks the barman for a double entendre. So the barman gives her one.

  23. Arthur Baker said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 1:14 am

    A circumlocution walks up to a long raised narrow table or bench designed for the dispensation of beer or other alcoholic drinks.

  24. cliff arroyo said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 1:29 am

    It was a cleft sentence that walked into a bar.

  25. cliff arroyo said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 1:31 am

    A head final sentence a bar into walking was.

  26. Arthur Baker said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 1:50 am

    I want to make this absolutely clear and leave no-one in any doubt: parrhesia walked into a bar.

  27. Milan said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 2:02 am

    A double negation doesn't not walk into a bar.
    A reduplication walks into some bar-shmar.
    A hyperbole runs into a bar at lightspeed.
    A litotes peeks into a bar.
    A sarcastic remark walks into a bar… again. Of course…
    A synechdoche sets foot into a bar.
    A metaphor sets up camp at a watering hole.
    A hendiadys walks and stumbles into a bar.
    A counterfactual would walk into a bar.
    A euphemism walks into a bar. When he leaves, he's in a bit of a state.
    An asyndeton walk, strolls, stumbles into a bar.

  28. cliff arroyo said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 5:16 am

    Sum homonyms waulk into a barre.

  29. Stephen Goranson said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 5:35 am

    A zeugma walked into a bar just for a yoke.
    A plagarism walked into a bar.
    A translation walked into a bar and lost something.
    A pleonasm walked into a bar pub.
    A syllepsis walked into a bar and bad luck.

  30. Ralph Hickok said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 6:59 am

    Is that original to Anthony Bladon? I've been seeing it periodically on Facebook for a couple of years now.

    [(myl) Apparently not — he never suggested it was, but just sent it in as something LLOG readers might like.]

  31. Paul A Sand said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 8:49 am

    Does this work? "An autological joke walked into a bar and told this autological joke."

  32. ajay said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 9:06 am

    Bar visited by crashblossom in memorable joke closes

  33. Michael Norris said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 10:08 am

    The garden path sentence walked into the bar fell down.

  34. ajay said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 10:17 am

    An anaphora walked into a bar. It walked up to the counter. It walked away holding its drink, and it walked over to a table.

  35. ajay said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 10:19 am

    A meiosis walked into an establishment which had been known to sell the occasional drink from time to time.

    At the end of the night the barman asked how it wanted to pay and it said "split it four ways".

  36. Philip Taylor said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 11:48 am

    A limerick entered a bar
    And ordered a pint "in a jar"
    When the barman asked "jug ?"
    It retired to the snug
    And played folk, on a 12-string guitar,

  37. Language Log » Autological humor said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 11:54 am

    […] Language Log » Autological humor […]

  38. Robot Therapist said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 2:57 pm

    A fused participle walks into a bar. Him doing that causes uproar.

  39. Xan said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 3:59 pm

    An ellipsis … and, you know …

  40. Another Y said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 4:37 pm

    A transitive verb enters a bar.
    An reflexive pun embarrasses itself.
    A passive-aggressive pun is disbarred.

  41. stephen said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 7:01 pm

    A profanity walked into a bar and did something non-sacred.

    An obscenity walked into a bar and [expletive deleted].

    (Strictly speaking I should have written an obscenity but I didn't feel like it.)

    A grawlix !@#$ into a %^&^ bar and %^&* the &*(* but she &*($ his !@#@ up his @&*&.

    An emoticon walked into a bar and :O

    An acronym walked into a bar, AFAIK.

    Of course an antiphrasis didn't go into a bar, if you say it didn't, who am I to say it did, when I was watching it the whole time, but no, I'm not gonna contradict you and say anything about what I saw it doing…

    A perjorative walked into a bar and did something stupid.

    An ethnonym walked into a bar and did something culturally specific.

    A demonym walked into a bar and engaged in nation-building.

    A litotes didn't exactly shun that bar.

    A merism stepped and strode through the entrance and the door of that bar.

    Ladies and gentlemen, with vim and vigor the irreversible binomials, big and small, spent days and nights, rain or shine, enjoying the hustle and bustle at that hoity-toity bar.

    A redaction walked into a bar and [redacted].

    I'm not saying an apophasis walked into a bar, I'm not saying it didn't.

    In no way, shape or form did that hendiatris avoid that bar.

    A fossil word druther go into a bar.

    The anaphor arrived at the bar. It entered.

    When it arrived, the cataphor entered the bar.

    When to the bar the anastrophe came, entered it did.

    Haiku on its way
    To its own familiar bar
    And did enter in

  42. stephen said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 9:08 pm

    Apparently the system misinterpreted some of the characters I was using.

    A grawlix !@# his !@#@ up his @&*&.

    And when I copy-and-paste what I posted, it didn't copy all of it.

    This was supposed to be something like,

    A grawlix @@@@ into a bar and **** a &&&& but she &*() his !@!@ up his @&@&.

    Some more:

    A non sequitur walked into a bar. I like cereal.

    An irrelevancy walked into a bar, and most places have pet shops.

    I'm not sure if those two should be switched, or does it matter?

    A synecdoche came to the potables.

  43. Y said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 10:53 pm

    An anacoluthon walks, well, he's thirsty.

    Upon a bar an iamb walks, imbibes a drink and out it goes.

  44. Y said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 10:56 pm

    A transitive verb enters a bar.
    A reflexive pun embarrases itself.
    A passive-aggressive pun is disbarred.

  45. Craig said,

    September 22, 2020 @ 10:57 pm

    Zeugma walked into a bar, the waitress, and this joke just as was planned.

  46. Stephen Goranson said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 2:45 am

    A red herring walked into the dry cleaners next to the bar.
    A willing suspension of disbelief walked into a bar, incognito.
    An amphibilous word walked into and out of a bar. It was mad!
    An etymon walked into a bar; later, returning, it hardly recognized the place.

  47. Owlmirror said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 9:10 am

      • The
      • list
      • bulleted
      • the
      • points
      • mercilessly.

  48. DaveK said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 9:36 am

    A hysteron proteron had a drink and walked into a bar

  49. Owlmirror said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 9:55 am

    A polysemy, who is a member of the bar, holding a bar, and eating a bar, pushes a bar and walks into a bar.

    A pop-culture reference walks into the place where everybody knows your name.

    A pop-culture synecdoche walks into a wretched hive of scum and villainy.

    A hyperbole walks into a bar for the million billionth time.

  50. Philip L. said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 3:19 pm

    On a dark and stormy night, the purple prose walked into the bar.

  51. Ernie in Berkeley said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 3:59 pm

    Uptalk walked into a bar?

  52. Philip L. said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 8:06 pm

    An ampersand got trapped inside a b@r.

  53. Russinoff said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 9:59 pm

    I think that was a participle that walked into the bar with an infinitive, drinking to forget.

    But they were later accompanied by a gerund, resorting to drinking to forget.

  54. Philip L said,

    September 23, 2020 @ 10:08 pm

    A palindrome walked into a bar and ordered a boba.

  55. Philip Taylor said,

    September 24, 2020 @ 2:22 pm

    Russinoff, I think that the participle and the infinitive could only later be accompanied by a gerund if they left the bar in the meantime. If they remained in the bar, then they would surely have been joined by a gerund, not accompanied.

  56. Jerry Friedman said,

    September 25, 2020 @ 9:24 pm

    Philip Taylor: One of my contributions or "contributions" to the a.u.e. thread was

    A poet walks into a bar.
    A metaphor, friends, is a star.
    It always sounds neater
    In anapest meter,
    And the rhyme shouldn't mar it or jar.

  57. Jerry Friedman said,

    September 25, 2020 @ 9:28 pm

    A metonymy walks into a bar and drinks a whole bottle.

  58. Russinoff said,

    September 26, 2020 @ 11:40 am

    Philip Taylor, quite so. I regret my carelessness.

  59. Viseguy said,

    September 26, 2020 @ 7:27 pm

    A lawyer is admitted to a bar and ends up disbarred. There are two sides to the story.

  60. Stephen Goranson said,

    September 28, 2020 @ 2:34 am

    Ten paronomasian barristers barged into a bar to bar a tender from her tender bartender.

  61. stephen said,

    September 30, 2020 @ 4:12 am

    The denotational sememe did something specific into the bar.

  62. stephen said,

    September 30, 2020 @ 4:13 am

    The connotational sememe did something analogous into the bar.

  63. stephen said,

    September 30, 2020 @ 4:14 am

    The addendum went into the bar and explained the distinction between a denotational and a connotational sememe.

  64. stephen said,

    September 30, 2020 @ 4:26 am

    Uh-huh, the vocable did go into that bar.

    The stunt word walkified into the bar.

    The pseudoword oxcelajed into the bar.

    The nonce word broulked into the bar.

  65. stephen said,

    September 30, 2020 @ 12:29 pm

    The Boustrophedon went
    dna rab eht otni
    had something to drink
    sdneirf ot deklat dna
    for a while.

    The definition* went into the bar and explained itself.

    *The footnote provided further information.

    The graffiti went into the bar and wrote its phone number on the wall for a good time.

    The anagrma kledwa otni teh abr.

RSS feed for comments on this post