"New unexpected life events provider" — doesn't.

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Reader JC reports getting an email with the subject line "New Unexpected Life Events Provider Effective 4/1". He was disappointed to learn that this "'new unexpected life events provider' will not, in fact, provide me with life events of any kind".

Instead, as the body of the email explained,

Unexpected Life Events includes Short Term Disability, Long Term Disability, and Life & AD&D Insurance….

Also, "AD&D" is "Accidental Death and Dismemberment", not "Advanced Dungeons and Dragons".

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18 Comments »

  1. Stephen Nicholson said,

    March 25, 2011 @ 8:33 pm

    Man, what a bumper.

  2. Dan Lufkin said,

    March 25, 2011 @ 9:28 pm

    Let me get this straight — he was expecting unexpected life events to be provided. He was therefore not expecting provision of expected events. It seems to me that his non-expectation was met. Whence his disappointment?

  3. Nathan said,

    March 25, 2011 @ 11:31 pm

    No one sells good Advanced Dungeons and Dragons insurance anymore.

  4. Puzzled said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 1:46 am

    As opposed to Deliberate Death and Dismemberment?

  5. Mark Dunan said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 2:53 am

    You mean the ((unexpected life) events provider) isn't going to provide me with events to spice up my unexpected life?

  6. Rubrick said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 3:18 am

    Advanced Dungeons and Dragons insurance provides 1000 electrum pieces to your family if you unexpectedly 12-sided die.

  7. J. Lee said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 5:39 am

    well-played, rubrick

  8. Eric P Smith said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 10:34 am

    Reminds me of the Voluntary Stroke Association.

  9. Marion Crane said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 3:51 pm

    As opposed to Deliberate Death and Dismemberment?

    I'm more concerned about the order of words, there. I mean, Dismemberment isn't going to be much cause for concern if you suffered from Death first. Shouldn't that be an 'or'?

    And even knowing what it's about, I still had to re-read that subject line twice.

  10. Peter Taylor said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 5:20 pm

    Even more puzzling is that it should be (expanding) "Life and Accidental Death and Dismemberment Insurance". It seems that the only situation in which they don't pay out is when you die non-accidentally, which might give them a motive to have you very publicly assassinated.

  11. Andrew (not the same one) said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 6:32 pm

    G.K. Chesternton wrote a story, 'The Tremendous Adventures of Major Brown', about an Unexpected Life Events Provider (there called an 'Adventure and Romance Agency'). Some of Agatha Christie's stories about Parker Pyne are rather similar.

  12. Dakota said,

    March 26, 2011 @ 7:36 pm

    Can no one provide me with Attention Deficit Disorder?

  13. John Cowan said,

    March 27, 2011 @ 12:30 am

    Marion Crane: It's and because you are covered against both perils: (accidental death) and (dismemberment).

    Peter Taylor: If you die, they pay $N; if you die accidentally, they pay $N + $M.

  14. Qov said,

    March 27, 2011 @ 1:26 am

    I am so happy to see that people other than me read "AD&D" and think "roll for damage."

  15. chris said,

    March 28, 2011 @ 8:15 am

    Just because he doesn't expect them to provide him with any unexpected life events doesn't mean they won't. After all, if they admitted in advance that they were going to provide unexpected life events, then they wouldn't be *unexpected*.

  16. J. W. Brewer said,

    March 28, 2011 @ 5:32 pm

    You can find similar insurance industry jargon by doing some googling, e.g., "Liberty Mutual is the fifth largest property and casualty provider in the nation." Yet Liberty Mutual does not actually provide its customers with either property (except arguably in the form of checks making claims payments) or casualties.

  17. JP Mercado said,

    March 30, 2011 @ 9:12 am

    I will admit that "Advanced Dungeons & Dragons" was the first thing that popped into my head when I read "AD&D". =/ [I am such a geek.]

  18. Darlo Paul said,

    April 18, 2011 @ 5:42 am

    Now I know what some friends were doing when I was safely couched indoors playing sensible board games

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