Yesterday I linked to a couple of Lindsey Graham's jokes at celebratory dinner ("Fecal compounds", 3/5/2016). But the journalists and politicians who spoke at last night's annual Gridiron Club dinner outdid him.
“Knowing Donald Trump, it won’t be long before he dumps the United States for a much younger country.”
“When I endorsed Marco, everyone assumed we had cut a deal… We did. He promised I could borrow his boots.”
"I won't really feel like I've made it, until Donald Trump demands my birth certificate."
"When the press makes fun of itself, they call it parody. When the press makes fun of Republicans, they call it journalism."
Joaquin & Julian Castro:
Q: “Why do people take such an immediate dislike to Ted Cruz?”
A: “Probably because it saves them time.”
“Donald has attacked every person of color – except John Boehner.”
“But folks, on a serious point, Trump said he likes ‘people who don’t get captured. What a terrible thing to say about my friend and a genuine war hero, John McCain.
So tonight I call on Donald Trump to be a man of his word – and release Chris Christie right now.”
“As you know, I’ve always ranked among the poorest Members of Congress—and all of these years, it didn’t bother me much before. Until I learned my net worth was even less than Bernie Sanders. Look—when a socialist has more money than you— you know you’ve been doing something really wrong for a long, long time.”
“Ted Cruz? An inspiration to every kid in America who worries that he’ll never be able to run for President because nobody likes him.”
“I told Barack, if you really, really want to remake the Supreme Court, nominate Cruz. Before you know it, you’ll have eight vacancies.”
Of course, politicos have been hiring good writers for their Gridiron Club speeches for a long time. From Ted Cruz's 2015 appearance:
“I was accused of acting like some pompous, condescending know-it-all. We’re all familiar with the type, and at Harvard Law School there is even a word for it: alumni."
“Canadians are so polite, mild-mannered, modest, unassuming, open-minded. Thank God my family fled that oppressive influence before it could change me.”